Assertive communication - an important skill for parents of children with ADHD

Assertiveness does three things:

• Tells children what to do
• Gives clear and direct instruction
• Is said in a tone of voice that says, “just do it”

​An Assertive command involves all senses
USE THE SENSES AND FOCUS ON HOW TO ENGAGE THE SENSES
Instead of  Yelling from the kitchen to the child in the living room – “Wendy, pick up the toys, we have to go”.........rather use the senses
o  Visual: Wait till you get eye contact
o  Auditory & Visual: “Line up at the door like this (Show them / or have a picture of what you want them to do)
o  Auditory & Visual & Tactile: When child makes eye contact, touch child (maybe on shoulder or arm), explain exactly what needs to be done, and use hand gestures to show what to do.
o  Do the above energetically, and remember, you are imprinting pictures into the child’s head (for instance, show child what it looks like when you put your safety belt on – imaginary) – this implies: “Just do it”

WHEN THEY RESIST

• When children resist, we feel powerless.
• When we feel powerless, we blame and attack.
• To avoid this downshifting:

o  Step 1: Breathe (Be a S.T.A.R) and pivot (focus on what you want)
o  Step 2: Engage all senses, give an assertive command
o  Step 3: Say “I’m going to show you what to do” or “I’m going to show you how to get started.”  For older children, “What would help you get started?”
o  Step 4: When the child begins to comply, say, “You’re doing it” or “You did it” (Use the skill of encouragement.
When you have taught a child how to be assertive, then the child can teaches others to be assertive
Assertiveness is the medium through which we teach respect.