As a mother this little guy has often visited me over the years, I actually think he likes me a lot. If I think back he has also visited me as a child before I had to sing on a stage or play a piano exam. And the weird thing is, he always tells my body I need to go to the toilet. He also showed up when I was an adult and had to stand in front of groups of children to speak to them. He always try to convince me that I am not good enough, that things are not going to work out. Another way my body responds to him is that I develop eczema.
Over the years and especially over the last two years I got to know him very well. But the interesting thing is, that he always speak to me about something that might happen in the future. And he somehow succeeds at telling me that the outcome is going to be bad. As my eczema got really bad and spread to my eye lids, my life coach suggested that I talk to my body and listen to what it is trying to tell me. As a professional skilled in externalisation I didn’t find it difficult and was amazed how the eczema literally disappeared by the end of the session.
This was a pivotal moment in my dealings with my friend anxiety. I realised that he is needed when I am really in a life threatening situation to warn me of danger, and it is also good if he shows up when I really have to get a job done. So I need him in my life, but I must also be very aware of when he shows up and try to throw me off balance by his negative talks about the future. If he starts screaming really loudly, he affects my brain in such a way that I can’t think and make good plans. I had to find a way to keep him under control and tell him to leave.
So how do I do it?
I breathe; I literally breathe in slowly through my nose for four counts and then out through my mouth for four counts.
Then I question; what is really going on here? Why am I freaking out? Has the thing I am freaking out about happened yet? What proof do I have in this moment that it is going to happen?
Then I accept; that I do not have control over the outcome of everything in my life, and that whatever happens future I am not there yet, and I can only what this moment is offering me.
So how does this apply to parenting?
Parents and especially parents of children living with ADHD often experience anxiety about what the future is going to hold for our children. What if they never learn to be on time? What if they never remember to write thing down? What if???????
So today I want to encourage you to try my formulae. Stay present with what you can handle today, and how you can support them to be successful today.
One of my favourite quote’s is from the movie “The best Marigold hotel”; it says: “Everything will work out in the end, if it hasn’t worked out, it is not the end yet.”